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Nov 16, 2012
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. >>> stephen colbert immortalized in wax. how painful was it, and what advice does he have? i'm bruce. the story coming up. >>> but first, the state of maryland reaches a decision on whether to ban the sail of crib bumpers. we'll tell you about that, coming up. >>> two big stories that impact our children's safety top tonight's consumer alert. a recall of travel beds. and a ban on bumpers. 220,000 portable beds are being recalled after one infant died and nine others either got trapped or fearly suffocated. there is now a kit available to fix those. but the group, kids in danger, urges parents not to use the product for infants under age one. and maryland will now ban the sale of crib bumpers starting in june of 2013. the department of health determined that the pads provide no real benefits and in fact in many cases are dangerous. it's something our consumer team first told you about more than a year ago. doctors say a baby can stop breathing if they turn into the pad and can't turn over or if they get their little head trapped between the mattress and the pad. so the messa
. >>> stephen colbert immortalized in wax. how painful was it, and what advice does he have? i'm bruce. the story coming up. >>> but first, the state of maryland reaches a decision on whether to ban the sail of crib bumpers. we'll tell you about that, coming up. >>> two big stories that impact our children's safety top tonight's consumer alert. a recall of travel beds. and a ban on bumpers. 220,000 portable beds are being recalled after one infant died and nine others...
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Nov 2, 2012
11/12
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personnel but despite their efforts, ambassador chris stephens and two other citizens were killed. >>> and life is still a far cry from normal in "new york post" sandy. we have a story on life in one of the hardest hit states. >>> when you have a city with the largest subbasis testimony, when it is down, it is crippling. some lines were up today. but you cannot escape post sandy new york. >> reporter: everywhere you go, it is there. >> everything has been touched by sandy. >> reporter: from long island, where houses are destroyed, lights out, cars dead, still. to new york city, where frustration is the new normal. >> get in front of me. >> reporter: here, three long days in the dark and three long hours for gas are taking their toll. speaking of tolls are free, but you pay in waiting. if you have less than three people in the car you don't get over a bridge or new a tunnel. >> move to the front, let's go. >> reporter: no news story can wrap up the toll of super storm sandy. the death toll is 97. more than half in the tristate area. today, the discovery of two boys swept from their mot
personnel but despite their efforts, ambassador chris stephens and two other citizens were killed. >>> and life is still a far cry from normal in "new york post" sandy. we have a story on life in one of the hardest hit states. >>> when you have a city with the largest subbasis testimony, when it is down, it is crippling. some lines were up today. but you cannot escape post sandy new york. >> reporter: everywhere you go, it is there. >> everything has been...
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Nov 1, 2012
11/12
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even getting some praise. 9news, i should say, is the only outside crew invited when energy secretary stephen chiu came personally to thank the linemen for their efforts during super storm sandy, which that storm knocked out power to 44,000 customers. excuse me, at the height of it, far fewer than the other utilities. >> now, was this a little bit of luck and preparation? a little bit of both? one or the other? >> you know it's a combination. but i will tell you it is the same amount of preparation for the storm. whether it came, hit us hard, or didn't hit us hard. we still had to go with the same steps. still organize all the instant teams. >> even one of their critics. montgomery county council member. they tell 9news a combination of not burying the brunt of the storm and that lead to a better response. now, he says that it will go a long way for rebuilding the goodwill of pepco customers. >>> how do you think that your utility did after sandy? satisfied? frustrated? share your thoughts on our wusa9.com facebook page. lesli? >>> after a wild chase including explosions, the man wanted for a
even getting some praise. 9news, i should say, is the only outside crew invited when energy secretary stephen chiu came personally to thank the linemen for their efforts during super storm sandy, which that storm knocked out power to 44,000 customers. excuse me, at the height of it, far fewer than the other utilities. >> now, was this a little bit of luck and preparation? a little bit of both? one or the other? >> you know it's a combination. but i will tell you it is the same...
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Nov 17, 2012
11/12
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. >> reporter: stephen colbert plays a right wing pundit on comedy central. like anyone vain enough to appear on tv every night. >> i may be a news junkie but i also got to have my story. >> reporter: he just cannot get enough of himself. ah, self-love. colbert said the artist painted him in dots and measured him with calibers. >> i even sent them a dvd of my latest colonoscopy. >> reporter: ey missed one detail. >> i'm american. >> reporter: tried not to be a pompous tv guy myself. how do they do this? do they dip you entirely in hot wax and it pulls all your hair out and everything. >> most of the time they actually murder the suspect. >> reporter: they didn't murder dan rather but they did relegate him to the gift shop to make way for colbert's man crayole. he called himself the latest wax american. >> it reminds me of my infancy. >> looft spitting up. >> reporter: the guy who's run for president a couple of times refuses to divulge his secrets for solving the nation's problems. >> i'm not going to tell you. you have to elect me first. why buy the cow when
. >> reporter: stephen colbert plays a right wing pundit on comedy central. like anyone vain enough to appear on tv every night. >> i may be a news junkie but i also got to have my story. >> reporter: he just cannot get enough of himself. ah, self-love. colbert said the artist painted him in dots and measured him with calibers. >> i even sent them a dvd of my latest colonoscopy. >> reporter: ey missed one detail. >> i'm american. >> reporter: tried not...
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Nov 9, 2012
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and how about stephen strasburg? he hit .277. most doubles by a pitcher. the nats the only team with three selectees. >>> 20,000 voters this week. highlights tomorrow at 11:00. >>> finally this is cool. you gotta meet this girl here. that is sam gore don, nine years old from salt lake city. she's an internet sensation after her pop put this stuff on the internet. she's nine. she plays with the boys. she's rushed for 2,000 yards and 35 touchdowns. >> she's fast. >> yeah! hey, anita, you know what, you can't touch her. 35 touchdowns. the and she leads the team in tackles, too. >> her dad said when she was little, they would play rough with her, and she would get right back up. >> cute girl. we'll be right back. >>> that's 9 news for tonight. it's friday, right? >> not yet. >>> letterman is next. good fight, everybody.
and how about stephen strasburg? he hit .277. most doubles by a pitcher. the nats the only team with three selectees. >>> 20,000 voters this week. highlights tomorrow at 11:00. >>> finally this is cool. you gotta meet this girl here. that is sam gore don, nine years old from salt lake city. she's an internet sensation after her pop put this stuff on the internet. she's nine. she plays with the boys. she's rushed for 2,000 yards and 35 touchdowns. >> she's fast. >>...
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Nov 9, 2012
11/12
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stephen strasburg has a battle average of .277. he hit the most doubles by a pitcher. the nationals are the only team with three winners. >>> 4:37 now. we had temperatures near the 30s earlier this week. >> oh. >> tack on 30 more. that's what the weekend is going to look like. howard's got to weekend forecast in about two minutes. >> and we're learning the exact financial cost of sandy and how long it may take to recover. >> and priceline.com buys a rival website for nearly $2 billion. the story is coming up at 4:41. >> 9news now returns in two minutes. stay with us. >>> just about 4:40 on this friday morning, you'll need a jacket this morning but it's going to be nicer. you know yesterday in spite of the wind we got to 56. today we're looking at a high around 60 degrees at 3:00 and boy nice and clear this morning. monika? >>> on the northbound side of i- 95, and 395, we're looking good right up the line from dale city to the 14th street bridge all lanes are open and no big delays early on this friday morning. i'll be back with more traffic coming up at 4:47. back to y
stephen strasburg has a battle average of .277. he hit the most doubles by a pitcher. the nationals are the only team with three winners. >>> 4:37 now. we had temperatures near the 30s earlier this week. >> oh. >> tack on 30 more. that's what the weekend is going to look like. howard's got to weekend forecast in about two minutes. >> and we're learning the exact financial cost of sandy and how long it may take to recover. >> and priceline.com buys a rival...
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Nov 14, 2012
11/12
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stephen zeitels is inventing new techniques in the emerging field of vocal chord trooment. >> i work with mechanical engineering, and we use high-speed photography, ca cames that can take in 5,000 frames a second. >> reporter: what have you learned about the value of having a normal, healthy voice? >> one of the most striking things is how people take it for granted. what if it wasn't there? >> reporter: zeitels has helped icon steven tyler, and adele. last year, she suffered a vocal chord hemorrhage. his surgery allowed adele to return to the stage. roger daltrey of the who lost his voice before his 2010 super bowl performance. >> he's got my voice working again. i feel it's easier for me to sing than it was 25 years ago. >> reporter: can you sing a little something, acpale? >> my voice is huge. >> reporter: over fours year, zeitels destroyed noah skole's lesions. he injected them way cancer drug and zapped them with a laser. noah used to sound like this... here he was in september at his bar mitzvah. >> the massachusetts general hospital. >> when i restore the voice of a competent
stephen zeitels is inventing new techniques in the emerging field of vocal chord trooment. >> i work with mechanical engineering, and we use high-speed photography, ca cames that can take in 5,000 frames a second. >> reporter: what have you learned about the value of having a normal, healthy voice? >> one of the most striking things is how people take it for granted. what if it wasn't there? >> reporter: zeitels has helped icon steven tyler, and adele. last year, she...
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Nov 14, 2012
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stephens city around 27, one of the coldest this season. the bay keeping those folks just above the 40-degree mark. there go the front and the showers from yesterday well off shore. we've got nice high pressure building in. a couple of clouds arriving took but staying dry for a few more days. >>> i'm happy to say mostly the roads look good. no problems to report on the beltway around town. we're looking good. if you're planning to come in on 95 from triangle, you'll hit the brake as time or two as you head into woodbridge across the occoquan river. let's go further north and show you what it looks like here on the beltway in oxon hill. route 210 down to the wilson bridge looks absolutely fine. no issues as you come in to the beltway from southern maryland as well. let's go back over to the maps. this time we're heading to the bw parkway and route 50 inside the beltway through cheverly. no issues into the northeast corridor. all the anacostia river crossings are fine if that's where you're headed right now. we'll take another live look north
stephens city around 27, one of the coldest this season. the bay keeping those folks just above the 40-degree mark. there go the front and the showers from yesterday well off shore. we've got nice high pressure building in. a couple of clouds arriving took but staying dry for a few more days. >>> i'm happy to say mostly the roads look good. no problems to report on the beltway around town. we're looking good. if you're planning to come in on 95 from triangle, you'll hit the brake as...
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Nov 9, 2012
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ian desmond monster numbers and led all shortstops with 25 home runs and stephen strasburg who hit .277 most doubles by a pitcher. the nats the only team with three select teams. that quick look at sports, have a great friday everybody. >>> a bipartisan lawmaker wants more budget autonomy in the district. an explanation on that story up next. >> plus, officials in virginia start making plans in case congress plans to avoid plunging off the fiscal cliff. here's monika with a look at traffic. >> traffic is moving really well as you can see here at branch avenue and prince george's county. heading southbound toward andrews air force base and the wilson bridge. all lanes are open this morning. we'll be back with more news, weather and traffic at 5:29. you're watching 9news now. >>> good morning, and welcome back to 9news now. i'm andrea roane. it's friday. >> ha ha. that sounds good huh? a lot of great stuff going on this weekend and you know what? great weather for the it. -- for it. good morning monika samtani. mr. bernstein. great news? >> we have some really cool guests in the next 90 m
ian desmond monster numbers and led all shortstops with 25 home runs and stephen strasburg who hit .277 most doubles by a pitcher. the nats the only team with three select teams. that quick look at sports, have a great friday everybody. >>> a bipartisan lawmaker wants more budget autonomy in the district. an explanation on that story up next. >> plus, officials in virginia start making plans in case congress plans to avoid plunging off the fiscal cliff. here's monika with a look...
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Nov 22, 2012
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. >> stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! (cheers and applause) >> stephen: ladies and gentlemen, ladies and gentlemen, thank you. i could fly higher than an eagle for you are the wind beneath my wings. nation this has been a tough few weeks for america. first hurricane sandy ravaged the east coast. then obama was re-elected. do you know he is coming for our guns. how will we fight the next hurricane? (laughter) well, on friday, folks, our nation was dealt yet another blow. >> out of nowhere cia director david petraeus resigned after admitting he cheated on his wife. the other woman the person who wrote his biography, paula broadwell. >> stephen: their, he had an affair with his biographer, all-in, it appears-- it a pores that the title of chapter five anaconda-- (laughter) >> stephen: may not refer to a ground offense any afghanistan. whole different type of surge. (laughter) well, folks, this explosive revelation puts every biographer and subject under suspicion. meaning we can now say with some certainty that dora concerns
. >> stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! (cheers and applause) >> stephen: ladies and gentlemen, ladies and gentlemen, thank you. i could fly higher than an eagle for you are the wind beneath my wings. nation this has been a tough few weeks for america. first hurricane sandy ravaged the east coast. then obama was re-elected. do you know he is coming for our guns. how will we fight the next hurricane? (laughter) well, on friday, folks, our...
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Nov 29, 2012
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. >> stephen: was it severe? >> well, it was at times, yeah. >> stephen: you're one 1206 kids. >> that's right. six girls and six boys. >> stephen: i'm one of 11 kids. eight boys, three girls. >> well, you're probably catholic, right? (laughter) >> stephen: and i'm guessing you're not! >> we were just hillbillies. (laughter) i guess you were too, right? >> stephen: how fast can you say your brother and sisters names? want to race? i'll give you one name head start. ready, one, two, three, go. (both speaking at once) (laughter) >> stephen: very good. very good. >> oh, that's cute! >> stephen: now you're known -- you have talents. you're known as being a very genuine person. can you teach know fake that? (laughter) >> i can fake through it. >> stephen: it is eye contact? is that what it is? >> well, some of it is. what do you any are you falling for it? >> i fell for you in 1974. >> that's sweet. well maybe we can keep it up so we can see how that goes. >> stephen: sure. (laughter) (cheers and applause) this book w
. >> stephen: was it severe? >> well, it was at times, yeah. >> stephen: you're one 1206 kids. >> that's right. six girls and six boys. >> stephen: i'm one of 11 kids. eight boys, three girls. >> well, you're probably catholic, right? (laughter) >> stephen: and i'm guessing you're not! >> we were just hillbillies. (laughter) i guess you were too, right? >> stephen: how fast can you say your brother and sisters names? want to race? i'll give...
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Nov 30, 2012
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(cheers and applause) stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> thank you, ladies and gentlemen. you are the greatest! thank you very much. i got to tell you, when i get that kind of 4r06 from you folks i just want to go up into the stands and cradle you in my arms like a baby. (cheers and applause) folks you know me, you know my broadcasting ca roar has been dedicated to celebrating american exceptionalism. that special je ne sai quoi that americans have that keep us from knowing things like what je ne sais quoi means, i don't know. but for some time now americans have been in decline. and i have been searching for the exact moment when we went from being the u.s. of a to the u.s. of eh. well, folks, i think i found it, fasten your seat belts. and incidentally, if are you wearing seat belts to watch tv, you're part of the problem. >> it sounds preposterous but the united states has to factor into the cold ware to possibly nuke the moon. >> they say the plan call force an intercontinental ba
(cheers and applause) stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> thank you, ladies and gentlemen. you are the greatest! thank you very much. i got to tell you, when i get that kind of 4r06 from you folks i just want to go up into the stands and cradle you in my arms like a baby. (cheers and applause) folks you know me, you know my broadcasting ca roar has been dedicated to celebrating american exceptionalism. that special...
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Nov 21, 2012
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stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! ( cheers and applause ) ( laughter ) >> stephen: what are you people doing here? shouldn't you be out celebrating? ( cheers and applause ) because evidently, you don't listen to anything i say! i've been bringing you the truth for seven years, and how do you repay me? four more years of hopi-change. ( applause ) what do you think? what do you think? you think i do this night after night for your amusement? i do it for america. what's the point? ( cheers and applause ) ( sighs ) ( laughter ) >> who the win the $10,000 prize? ( laughter ) ( applause ) ♪ ♪ >> stephen: okay, apparently, i am contractually obliigate to do a show. thank you very much, thank you very much. okay, um, all right, fine. all right, let's-- ah, let's do this. um, so, if i have to, i have to. let's talk about the big election. last night, due to the technicality called the constitution, barack obama was re-elected president. though-- ( cheers ) ( applause ) uh. ( bleep ) you. ( laughter ) ( applause )
stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! ( cheers and applause ) ( laughter ) >> stephen: what are you people doing here? shouldn't you be out celebrating? ( cheers and applause ) because evidently, you don't listen to anything i say! i've been bringing you the truth for seven years, and how do you repay me? four more years of hopi-change. ( applause ) what do you think? what do you think? you think i do this night after night for your amusement? i do it for america. what's...
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stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: welcome to the report. thank you for joining us. nation, you know, here in the tristate area we are still dealing with the aftermath of hurricane sandy. things got so bad that people if brooklyn were forced to live like they were in the 19th century instead of just dressing like it. but just, just when we thought that the worse was over we got hit again. >> a new nor'easter is slamming new york and new jersey. a brutal nor'easter. >> nor'easter. >> nor'easter. >> yes, a nor'easter. (laughter) a stoorm so powerful it can wipe out a region's supply of ts and hs. (laughter) and folks, i'm afraid that this new storm could hurt romney's momentum. (laughter) i mean-- wheers plaus it could slow him down. i mean he already lost the election that can't help. but of course florida is still being counted. so folks i got to till, i am still hanging in there and i'm checking for updates on the campaign's i'm with mitt app. okay. it still works. and it lets yo
stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: welcome to the report. thank you for joining us. nation, you know, here in the tristate area we are still dealing with the aftermath of hurricane sandy. things got so bad that people if brooklyn were forced to live like they were in the 19th century instead of just dressing like it. but just, just when we thought that the worse was over we got hit again. >> a new...
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. >> stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: thank you, ladies and gentlemen. (cheers and applause) thank you, thank you so much. thank you. thank you, ladies and gentlemen. that fervent chanting of my name will hold me over until i can get home and chant it into a mirror. (laughter) nation, we are a mere 12 days away from the election. and it is my solemn obligation as a newsman to bring you the most cutting edge, baseless decimations of who is going to win. now this much we know, folks. the election could be swung by one key voting bloc. >> women! >> stephen: yes! it's the ladies! who are they going to vote for? well, according to a new report on cnn.com, women vote based on their oflation cycle. (laughter) the study says that when single women are ovulatting they feel sexier and therefore lean more toward liberal attitudes on abortion and marriage equality. which is why instead of e-mails, obama is just sending late night texts that say "you up? folks. -- (applause) that makes him the commander in booty calls. fol
. >> stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: thank you, ladies and gentlemen. (cheers and applause) thank you, thank you so much. thank you. thank you, ladies and gentlemen. that fervent chanting of my name will hold me over until i can get home and chant it into a mirror. (laughter) nation, we are a mere 12 days away from the election. and it is my solemn obligation as a newsman to bring you the most cutting edge, baseless...
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. >> stephen: okay, perfect time to visit the city. >> absolutely. >> stephen: wonderful. did we bring you here? >> you did, i've been in three hotel this is week. >> stephen: how many? >> three. >> stephen: why did you move? >> well, the first one got evicted and -- evacuated because of the crane -- >> oh, the dangling -- the sword of damocles over midtown. okay. you're welcome. >> stephen: and the second one no hot water or heat. >> okay. and we got you into a third and now you're living in a -- >> a third one. >> stephen: right on the east river, something like that? >> that's right. >> stephen: please come back to new york again when facilities are in the 20th century. >> okay, i'll do that. >> stephen: now you are famous because you were an overnight supervisor at the alabama goodyear tire and rubber company for how long? >> 19 years and ten months. >> stephen: near the end of your tenure there you found out something about your pay, what did you find out? >> i was making 40% less than the three white males doing the exact same job that i was. and that was a devastati
. >> stephen: okay, perfect time to visit the city. >> absolutely. >> stephen: wonderful. did we bring you here? >> you did, i've been in three hotel this is week. >> stephen: how many? >> three. >> stephen: why did you move? >> well, the first one got evicted and -- evacuated because of the crane -- >> oh, the dangling -- the sword of damocles over midtown. okay. you're welcome. >> stephen: and the second one no hot water or heat....
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. >> stephen: okay. okay. >> 92%. >> stephen: do you ever get pissed off that people recognize the muppet more than they recognize you? (laughter) i mean, because -- are you ever tempted to make a muppet that looks exactly like frank oz so you can get a little bit of that muppet love yourself? (laughter) not that you're not slightly muppetish. >> i'm thrilled. i can -- i can be -- be the star and then i can go buy my pork and beans or do my laundry. >> stephen: that sounds like a beautiful, beautiful day. pork and beans and laundry. you live the high life, man! you are living the dream! >> mundane stuff like that, it's wonderful. >> stephen: are there muppet grouppys? like animal is a drummer. does animal get any action? >> what do you mean action? >> stephen: what? >> what do you mean action? >> stephen: groupies, man, we're all adults. action, muppet sex. (laughter) >> so you said it. >> stephen: you made me say it. >> i didn't ask you. >> stephen: i insinuated and you exsin waited. >> i might have dra
. >> stephen: okay. okay. >> 92%. >> stephen: do you ever get pissed off that people recognize the muppet more than they recognize you? (laughter) i mean, because -- are you ever tempted to make a muppet that looks exactly like frank oz so you can get a little bit of that muppet love yourself? (laughter) not that you're not slightly muppetish. >> i'm thrilled. i can -- i can be -- be the star and then i can go buy my pork and beans or do my laundry. >> stephen:...
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stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen slarm stephen, stephen, stephen! (cheers and applause) nation, thank you so much. i am so happy you're all here with me in the wake of hurricane sandy. countedless people are still struggling. and before we go on i would like to address the millions in the tristate area without power. and i'm going to talk a little louder right now because i know their tvs aren't working. (laughter) power challenged nation, please put down the peanut butter are you licking out of your mousetrap and just listen up for a minute. i want to you hang in there. the national guard is assisting the jersey shore. governor chris christie and president obama have been strategizing together on the cleanup. and joe biden is using his teeth to illuminate hoboken. folks-- (cheers and applause) lovely set of choppers. now folks we've all been affected by the storm. even me. yes, i still have power at both my office and my home and my other home. and gas and heat and phone service and my t1 line is still lightning fast. and my toast certificate still
stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen slarm stephen, stephen, stephen! (cheers and applause) nation, thank you so much. i am so happy you're all here with me in the wake of hurricane sandy. countedless people are still struggling. and before we go on i would like to address the millions in the tristate area without power. and i'm going to talk a little louder right now because i know their tvs aren't working. (laughter) power challenged nation, please put down the peanut butter...
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stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: oh, that's nice! (cheers and applause) anybody else do see that debate last night? folks, it a whole new horse race! mitt smoked obama! metaphorically, of course, mormons can't smoke! and folks, after last night's debate in denver our image of these two men has completely changed. and i am not the only one who knows it. >> it looked like romney wanted to be there and president obama didn't want to be there. >> stephen: yes! it was like obama wasn't even there. he hasn't done this poorly since he debated clint eastwood. (laughter) meanwhile-- (cheers and applause) meanwhile, romney was the alpha mitt, slapping obama around. and, anyone else who got in mitt away. >> i'm sorry, jim, i'm going to stop the subsidy to pbs. i will stop other things. i like pbs. i like big bird, i actually like you too. but i'm not going to keep on spending money for things to borrow from china to pay for it. >> stephen: he just told the moderator who works at pbs, i'm going to throw your ass out on the street, old man! you--
stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: oh, that's nice! (cheers and applause) anybody else do see that debate last night? folks, it a whole new horse race! mitt smoked obama! metaphorically, of course, mormons can't smoke! and folks, after last night's debate in denver our image of these two men has completely changed. and i am not the only one who knows it. >> it looked like romney wanted to be there and president obama didn't want to be there. >>...
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> stephen, steph captioning sponsored by comedy central stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: good to have you with us, ladies and gentlemen! (cheers and applause) folks, it is no secret, it is absolutely no secret why there is electricity in the air tonight. nation, it is election eve. just hours left in the 2012 campaign. both camp dats-- can dats are pulling out all the stops. >> here is the president's final two day, florida, new hampshire, colorado, ohio, wisconsin and eye watch. let me show you the mitt romney schedule. he's trying to go into pennsylvania. it's florida, it's virginia, it's new hampshire. >> stephen: so if you live in one of these states, "the colbert report" is now issuing a severe candidate warning. be prepared with fresh water and flashlights and please, if you have a single working class female suburban undecided vote never your home, cover her with plywood. or she could just get sukd up into a vortex of pandering. now folks, over a year ago i promised to make you a player in this election thanks to colbert super
> stephen, steph captioning sponsored by comedy central stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: good to have you with us, ladies and gentlemen! (cheers and applause) folks, it is no secret, it is absolutely no secret why there is electricity in the air tonight. nation, it is election eve. just hours left in the 2012 campaign. both camp dats-- can dats are pulling out all the stops. >> here is the president's final two day, florida, new hampshire,...
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. >> stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: thank you so much! (cheers and applause) folks, i hope you had a great thanksgiving. i did. first of all a caught up on homeland. you guys see that show on the showtime channel. i love that chaenl. now if you haven't seen it, it's the twisting tale of an iraq war vet who may or may not be a terrorist op rattive, or a double agent whose's been brainwashed by al qaeda who matches wits with a by polar cia op rattive who is convinced that he's part of an attack against america and is an on-again, off-again affair with him. >> here what i can't figure out. when do they charge their cell phones? they're always on them. always! and they're always full, never plugged into anything. not even in the car. it's always like full bars. dc, beirut, baghdad, great reception. makes the whole thing kind of unbelievable. (laughter) anyway, hi a great thanksgiving. i celebrated the traditional manner with my family or as the indians call them maze. but folks we all know thanksgiving is just a
. >> stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: thank you so much! (cheers and applause) folks, i hope you had a great thanksgiving. i did. first of all a caught up on homeland. you guys see that show on the showtime channel. i love that chaenl. now if you haven't seen it, it's the twisting tale of an iraq war vet who may or may not be a terrorist op rattive, or a double agent whose's been brainwashed by al qaeda who matches wits...
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. >> stephen: yes. ham rove. (cheers and applause) the trusted and salted advisor. >> jon: what are you waiting for, kill him! >> stephen: why don't you do it? >> jon: i can't do it, it's not kosher. (laughter) (applause) >> stephen: fine, fine. i'm sorry, ham rove. one of us is dead meat and you already are. gah, gah, gah! gah, gah! gah! >> jon: i was never here! (cheers and applause) oh, these hands, oh these hands are coming covered in ham juice. oh my god, oh my god i need a lawyer. please welcome former fcc chairman general counsel for the mccain 2008 campaign and my personal lawyer trevor potter, trevor, thank you so much for coming. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: trevor, trevor, trevor. first of all, first of all, trevor, i just killed my chief strategist. can you get me off? >> as far as i know it's not illegal to stab a ham. (laughter) >> stephen: welcome to obama's america. (laughter) all right, trevor, trevor, i'm scared, okay. i've got a super pac and a f 01 c 4 colbert super pac shh. and i took mo
. >> stephen: yes. ham rove. (cheers and applause) the trusted and salted advisor. >> jon: what are you waiting for, kill him! >> stephen: why don't you do it? >> jon: i can't do it, it's not kosher. (laughter) (applause) >> stephen: fine, fine. i'm sorry, ham rove. one of us is dead meat and you already are. gah, gah, gah! gah, gah! gah! >> jon: i was never here! (cheers and applause) oh, these hands, oh these hands are coming covered in ham juice. oh my...
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. >> reporter: mayor stephen acropolis issued a mandatory evacuation for low-lying neighborhoods near the shore. >> if you don't realize what mother nature can do now, i don't think you're ever going to realize it. >> reporter: greg does. he was rushing to put away what he could while his rose was still cleaning up after hurricane sandy. >> need to get these guys out of here and get all of the stuff back into the garage and we need to get out of here. >> reporter: on the barrier island, school buses were picking up the few remaining holdouts. and frontloaders were working overtime in many neighborhoods. one of the big concerns is all this debris. they've been racing the clock to try to get this stuff out of here so when strong winds come this doesn't turn into a missile. while the coming nor'easter will not be a sandy-style slammer, it could unravel much of the work that's been done to restore power to the region. on new york's staten island and long island, thousands are still without electricity. they could get 60-mile-per-hour winds and flash flooding. how concerned are you about t
. >> reporter: mayor stephen acropolis issued a mandatory evacuation for low-lying neighborhoods near the shore. >> if you don't realize what mother nature can do now, i don't think you're ever going to realize it. >> reporter: greg does. he was rushing to put away what he could while his rose was still cleaning up after hurricane sandy. >> need to get these guys out of here and get all of the stuff back into the garage and we need to get out of here. >> reporter:...
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. >> stephen: so was capone, go on. (laughter) >> i feel that the connection is obama a progressive centrist, as lincoln was. they both believe in government. >> stephen: lincoln was a republican, though. lincoln was a republican. >> a different kind of republican. >> stephen: still, "r" next to his name. >> that's the case. >> stephen: and i don't think obama could pull off the look. in a stove pipe mat maybe, but if he had that beard he'd look so much like the rent is too damn high guy. (cheers and applause) tony, thank you so for joining me. tony kushner. the movie is "lincoln." go see it! we'll be right back. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: that's it for the "report," everybody.
. >> stephen: so was capone, go on. (laughter) >> i feel that the connection is obama a progressive centrist, as lincoln was. they both believe in government. >> stephen: lincoln was a republican, though. lincoln was a republican. >> a different kind of republican. >> stephen: still, "r" next to his name. >> that's the case. >> stephen: and i don't think obama could pull off the look. in a stove pipe mat maybe, but if he had that beard he'd...
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why. >> stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! >> stephen: thank you, ladies and gentlemen. thank you so much. please. ( cheering ) nation, thank you, everybody. please, sit down. now, folks, i don't know if you watched it, but last night, the mindless mobs got together again to pander to the youth and congratulate each other on slowly destroying the moral fabric of america. ( laughter ) but what do you expect? it was the vmas. ( laughter ) ( applause ) folks, i don't know about you-- ( cheers and applause ) i don't upon about you, but i am outraged that all-american band and friend of the report, fun, was beaten out last night for best new artist by the british boy band, one direction. folks, i don't want a bunch of snagle-toothed, spotted dick-eating union jackoffs telling america the number of directions we can go in. ( cheers and applause ). but i will give them this-- their song "what makes you beautiful" isn't just catchy. it's got a great message. ♪ you don't know you're beautiful, oh, oh,. ♪ that's what makes you beautiful ♪ >> stephen: "you don't know you're b
why. >> stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! >> stephen: thank you, ladies and gentlemen. thank you so much. please. ( cheering ) nation, thank you, everybody. please, sit down. now, folks, i don't know if you watched it, but last night, the mindless mobs got together again to pander to the youth and congratulate each other on slowly destroying the moral fabric of america. ( laughter ) but what do you expect? it was the vmas. ( laughter ) ( applause ) folks, i don't know...
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(laughter) >> stephen: >> i just knew that i was wrong. >> stephen: you knew you were wrong afterwards, you didn't know you were wrong beforehand. >> exactly. but some time tuesday night it occurred to me. (laughter) (applause) >> stephen: okay. okay. now in the primaries you called mitt romney a liar and you said that he's fundamentally dishonest and why should we expect him to be honest about anything if he's president. what changed for you when you endorsed him? did you change your feelings about him or did you change your feelings about liars? >> it's a choice between he and obama and i thought for my children and grandchildren's future he was less of a problem than the president was. >> people are saying the conservatives are living in this bubble where we just talk to each other and don't believe in reality and we've got to get outside the bubble. do you believe we're just talking to each other and live in a bubble or do we believe in reality. >> i wrote a piece for politico that ha said republicans and conservatives should stop and analyze this election and think it through beca
(laughter) >> stephen: >> i just knew that i was wrong. >> stephen: you knew you were wrong afterwards, you didn't know you were wrong beforehand. >> exactly. but some time tuesday night it occurred to me. (laughter) (applause) >> stephen: okay. okay. now in the primaries you called mitt romney a liar and you said that he's fundamentally dishonest and why should we expect him to be honest about anything if he's president. what changed for you when you endorsed him?...
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we should all move on. >> oh, this is far from over, stephen. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: susan lucci! >> oh, yes. and there's more. general petraeus has developed amnesia, and-- ( laughter ) and can't remember that he's pregnant. ( laughter ) ( applause ) by his own evil twin, who is in a coma, and is my lover. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: that doesn't make any sense. >> how dare you! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: how can you do that from over there? >> don't you remember? i was in a boating accident, and now i have telekinesis. just like general petraeus. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ >> stephen: i still think it's bull ( bleep ). >> year, you're probably right. . >> stephen: susan lucci, everybody. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ). ( cheers and applause ). >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. thanks, folks. nation, you know, you've heard it many times, they say that laughter is the best medicine. which is why i chuckle at sick people. this is cheating death with dr. stephen t. colbert, d.f.a. where's the pretty lady? ( laug
we should all move on. >> oh, this is far from over, stephen. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: susan lucci! >> oh, yes. and there's more. general petraeus has developed amnesia, and-- ( laughter ) and can't remember that he's pregnant. ( laughter ) ( applause ) by his own evil twin, who is in a coma, and is my lover. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: that doesn't make any sense. >> how dare you! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: how can...
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stephen t. mos def heavyweight champion of the world i will retain but they will now have to add an asterisk you know what, make that two. no, jimmy, make them bigger. there you go. (cheers and applause) we'll be right back. (cheers and applause) (cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome back! my guest tonight is the author of such best sealing legal thrillers as "the firm." i can't wait for this interview to be adapted into a movie. please welcome john grisham. (cheers and applause) hey, good to see you, john! thank you for coming back! all right. good to see you again. it's been about five years. how many books have you cranked out in those last five years. >> at least 12. >> stephen: 12 books? you and stephen king, do you have a contest going on or something like that? who can -- do you ever call him up and go "4,500 words today beyoch." >> no, but he'll call me up and say this is 48, you only have 30. but he got published earlier than i did. >> stephen: would you go back to being a lawyer? >
stephen t. mos def heavyweight champion of the world i will retain but they will now have to add an asterisk you know what, make that two. no, jimmy, make them bigger. there you go. (cheers and applause) we'll be right back. (cheers and applause) (cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome back! my guest tonight is the author of such best sealing legal thrillers as "the firm." i can't wait for this interview to be adapted into a movie. please welcome john grisham. (cheers and...
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>> no. >> stephen: you don't. >> or water. >> stephen: you guys are downtown. >> yeah. >> stephen: i bet all those sellouts in the upper east side don't seem so stupid do they. your artistic ties are paying for your art right now. >> we went to brooklyn to take showers. >> stephen: really? >> yeah. >> stephen: i have a shower in my office if you want to -- >> annie. >> stephen: go up there. >> can i borrow it. >> stephen: why don't all three of us, you know-- we are all show business types, right? we'll set up a web cam and raise money for victims. a thought. (cheers and applause) >> maybe not. >> stephen: now david you're a rock 'n' roll hall of famer over there. >> i believe so. >> stephen: okay. now annie kerx i call you annie. >> please. >> stephen: okay, you perform under st. vincent, why st. vincent, not annie. >> well, i took my mondayic frere a song which references the hospital where dylan thomas died. >> stephen: oh, okay. >> yeah. >> stephen: so it is an upbeat choice. >> yeah. >> stephen: all right. so now he is intimidating to work with, this guy say legend. by the time
>> no. >> stephen: you don't. >> or water. >> stephen: you guys are downtown. >> yeah. >> stephen: i bet all those sellouts in the upper east side don't seem so stupid do they. your artistic ties are paying for your art right now. >> we went to brooklyn to take showers. >> stephen: really? >> yeah. >> stephen: i have a shower in my office if you want to -- >> annie. >> stephen: go up there. >> can i borrow it....